


What is yours is also mine

by savethecat



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Alarking, Darklina - Freeform, F/M, Self-Indulgent, also a bit smutty, basically no plot, just them being mean to each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 03:35:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20959796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/savethecat/pseuds/savethecat
Summary: After Baghra's death, Alina decides to visit The Darkling, using their connection, one last time.





	What is yours is also mine

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you, @onlybylaura, for proofreading this for me! <3

I had told myself I was never going back for him again. Still, that night I found myself standing in front of him. I was so angry. I was angry at him, because he kept destroying everything I cared about. I was angry at myself for coming to him again.

A part of me was curious to see what he was going to say. I knew he was still mourning for Baghra. I had felt it before. And now I could see it.

His surroundings were blurred, but I could watch as he sat on a chair in the middle of the room. His hair was messy, covering his heavy eyes. He looked so young and so beautiful, it almost hurt. I wondered if he had missed her, like a boy misses his mother. I reflected on his name… Aleksander. Why had Baghra chosen it? Had she desired for him to be as common as his name?

I peered at him for a while before he finally raised his head. For a moment, I swore he was startled. Then, he glared me, rising from his seat.

“Get out of here, Alina!” He shouted, angrily. He didn’t sound like himself. If I didn’t know him well I would say his voice was childish and broken. _He is still a monster_, _Alina_, I reminded myself, _and you shouldn’t even be here_.

I didn’t flinch at his order, and just kept staring. My heart was beating hard. He looked so normal like this. He looked scared.

Despite everything, I still felt for him. I felt sorry. I felt hatred. Bahgra was gone because of him. He had tortured people I loved and he would do it again. And he would use me as a tool, if I slipped. If he thought he could.

So I asked myself if I was here because I wanted to see him suffering. Or just because I wanted to see him.

“I said out.” He repeated, as he walked towards me. He looked down at me, so close he was almost touching me. “I’m not in the mood for this.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Then, sever the connection.” I shrugged, glancing him a daring look.

A part of me knew he wouldn’t do it. I didn’t quite know the reason, but I knew he wouldn’t just disappear now. 

His eyes glowed with rage, but he only turned around, starting to walk back to his seat. Not before I grabbed his arm, making him look at me again.

“You have only yourself to blame,” I said, referring to Baghra’s death.

Again, he seemed taken aback. He just stared at me for a few seconds. I saw a glimpse of pain and loss in his gray eyes before the old usual darkness took over. Then, he slipped one arm around my waist, pulling me against his body.

“I always knew you could be cruel, Alina.” He grinned. Now he looked just like himself again. The monster I knew so well.

I should feel bad for what he had said, but I didn’t, I just looked at his eyes and said, “I’m an apt pupil.”

His eyes shone as he kept smirking at me. Then, I felt his hand going through my hair, pulling my head back. “Too bad I have to destroy you.” He said as he whispered against my neck, and I felt that rush of power and desire running over my body again. “You could be so much more.”

“Yes,” I whispered back, as I closed my eyes. “Like a weapon for you to use.”

“You know you could use me too.” He murmured, brushing his lips against my skin.

I drew back just to look at his eyes. My heart was racing, that burning sensation taking over. That longing feeling that would never go away. And that made me hate him even more. I felt his hand pressuring my back, but he just peered back at me.

If I let him, if I only leaned in, he would do it. He would take everything he wanted and give me what my body desired for so long. But I couldn’t do it, could I? After everything he did… I had to stop him. To kill him. Not to give myself to him like the childish little girl he had met a long time ago.

But then again, I was going to kill him. I didn’t know exactly how. But I knew I would do it. And this… Whatever we had, whatever I felt for him… This was something _I _wanted. After all, I was here because I decided to be. I could just shut down our bond, and then I wouldn’t even see him anymore.

I noticed his eyes studying my face. I knew what he thought about me. He thought my power and even my own being belonged to him because of our connection, but if that was true, then _his_ power and _his_ being were just as mine. And I could claim them, just as I could destroy.

I lifted my chin and reached his mouth with mine.

###

I felt him flinch back, and that almost made me laugh. Did I actually startle him twice on the same day? After a second, I felt him devouring my lips back, as his fingers gripped my hair tightly and pressured my body against his.

The reality of it shocked me at first. It was as though the connection between us had grown even stronger, as though I was really there with him. I felt my power flowing through me. I felt his power just as I desired it. It was mine too. I knew he could feel the same, just like back in that chapel. _Like calls to like._

He pulled my hair back again and started kissing my neck. There was a bit of despair in his movements. Good. I was desperate too.

I felt him laying me on a bed. I didn’t know if it was mine or his. I didn’t care. His hand went under my dress and I remembered that time in the Little Palace, when this almost happened between us. Back then I was a lonely girl longing for attention. Now I was longing for something that was already mine.

He pulled my dress over my head and I helped him undress with impatience. The lights around us were dim, but I could see his smirk.

“There is no need to rush.” He said as he moved to be on top of me.

My heart stopped for a second as I realized what was about to happen. I wondered if this would be real or not, for we weren’t really there. But we could as well be because our bond felt increasingly stronger. I felt nervous, then, as he slid his hand up my tight. My body burned, my face flushed and my heart raced.

_No, not like this_, I thought, stopping his hand. I saw him looking at me, both angry and curious. I held his shoulder and pushed him to the bed, so I would straddle him over.

For the third time, he looked surprised. I caught myself grinning. Yes, he could be infinitely wiser and more experienced, but it didn’t change the fact this was my decision. And he was mine to take.

I noticed him grinning back at me. And then, he just closed his eyes and let out a short breath as I shifted myself to let him come inside me.

Just like everything else, the pain was real. But it didn’t stop me from continuing, moving, on top of him. I wanted more, I wanted to know how far this could go.

As I slowly moved my body against his, I felt his hand on my face, pulling me down to kiss him again.

He tasted good, almost sweet. And now that the pain was almost gone, he started to feel good as well. It wasn’t only good, it felt right but also disturbing. Just like his power. It was as though this was always meant to happen. Like this. Through this connection that could never be broken.

I let out a gasp of pleasure. And then I kissed him again, as I moved harder and faster. He moaned against my lips. I opened my eyes to peer at his face again. I saw him closing his own eyes, pleased with what I was doing. Again, he looked far from the monster he was. He looked beautiful and young. That angered me.

Our lips met again, this time more abruptly. I heard him gasp as I bit hard his bottom lip and let out my power to take over his.

I pulled back to stare at his widened eyes. I could feel his darkness entwined with my light as one. One power. One body. And at that moment, it all was under my control.

I wasn’t sure if he could take it all for himself. But I didn’t care. I wasn’t afraid to lose to him anymore. So I kept going, moving and taking everything that was mine. When I couldn’t take it anymore, everything felt like an explosion of power and desire. And at that very moment, I heard myself saying, or maybe screaming, his damned name again.

Aleksander.

###

He was still there, next to me, as I lay on my back, breathing heavily. He was also panting. He turned sideways to look at me. He reached his hand to touch my hair again.

“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself, Alina.” A smile played across his lips. “Next time we meet, I won’t be so gentle.”

He leaned in to kiss me one more time.

I kissed him back roughly and deeply, one last time. Yes. That would be the last one.

“Good,” I answered as I drew back. “Because next time we _really_ meet, I will kill you,” I said, as I severed the connection.


End file.
